Thursday, December 3, 2015
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Jake Barnes
Brett looked at me. "I say," she said, "is Robert Cohn going on this trip? "Yes. Why?" "Don't you think it will be a bit rough on him?" "Why should it?" "Who did you think I went to San Sebastian with?
(Hemingway 89)
Why am I not surprised. Of course she's sunk her claws into Robert as well. Robert was completely infatuated with her at first sight. That fool doesn't understand what Brett does, as much as I love her; she just sleeps around. He's most likely thinking that she holds feelings for him, unfortunately for him, she couldn't care less about him. That what he gets for going after Brett, she's my true love, and she loves me back. Despite my feelings for her, I can't help but feel a bit used sometimes. She always comes to me with her emotional issues, but our relationship doesn't extend past that.
Bill Gorton
Bill Gorton
For Bill I Chose this picture because he is always happy and when I think of people happy I think about smiling. I also imagine Bill like this because of the way he talks I think he is a very attractive.
“Bill
Gorton arrived, put up a couple of days at the flat and went off to Vienna. He
was very cheerful and said the States were wonderful…..Bill was very happy. He
had made a lot of money on his last book, and was going to make a lot more. We
had a good time while he was in Paris”
I think what Jake said about me is that I am different from the other people in this group in many ways, but I am also similar in many ways. Compared to the others in the group I am more laid back. I am still patriotic toward my country even after the war unlike many of the Americans living in France. Being apart of the lost generation as affected me more because like many of the american living in France i find myself in a constant battle.
Jake Barnes
JAKE BARNES
“I mistrust all frank and simple people, especially when their stories hold together…” (12 Hemingway)
The quote above exemplifies how I would describe myself with one word. That word is anti-social. The world I live in is full of horrible liars and cheats. Everyone either drinks, gambles, or has sex with someone they don’t really love. The world is inherently evil at its core. People will use anyone just so they can feel superior to them, even if the person being used is the nicest person on earth. That is why I keep my distance from people. I like to spend my time writing or drinking, rather than being out with so called friends. I don’t like most of my friends.
Personally I don’t even like myself. I’m dissatisfied with myself because I don’t know who I am. A while back a pretty lady named Georgette tried to kiss me. When she came closer I pushed her back because I felt uncomfortable and ill. When I’m in the dark I worry about all the problems I have. During the day it’s easy to shrug off my problems but at night all I do is worry and at times I want to just cry. I slept for six months with my lights on just so I can escape the dark and it’s wanderlust problematic thinking. I also want to be a real Catholic, but I know that’ll never happen. It’s just I’m a awful Catholic. I have a great big problem of wanting to have an identity but always end up being dissatisfied because I can’t find one.
Though I can say one of the best times I had was in Burguete, Spain where Bill and I went fishing. “There was no undergrowth, only the smooth grass, very green and fresh, and the big gray trees well spaced as though it were a park. "This is country," Bill said.” (122 Hemingway) The scenery was absolutely beautiful. That was the escape I always wanted. Bill and I talked about topics I rarely discuss with anyone. He made me feel as if he actually cared about me. All of my other friends were elsewhere and I finally felt at peace. My anti-social side disappeared at Burguete and a friendlier side came out. My worries vanished and all I thought about was the good in life. The landscape was purer than any other place I gone to.
The biggest conflict I faced was Brett. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. “Oh darling," Brett said, "I’m so miserable." I had that feeling of going through something that has all happened before. "You were happy a minute ago."” (70 Hemingway) Brett is always miserable. If she seems happy just dig a little deeper and you’ll find it. Brett has feelings for me and I know it. The only thing that is stopping her is my impotence. I just want a loving relationship but all she wants is a physical relationship that I can’t provide. I have tried time and time again to make her look past that and it isn’t working. She continues to run off with other men who are nothing without her. Maybe one day I’ll have my chance to show I’m meant for her.
Lady Brett Ashley
"Couldn't we live together, Brett? Couldn't we just live together?"
"I don't think so. I'd just tromper you with everybody. You couldn't stand it."
"I stand it now."
"That would be different. It's my fault, Jake. It's the way I'm made."
I don't know why Jake keeps insisting about this! I've told him about a dozen times that it's impossible for us to be together. I'm not the type of woman that can stay with one man and be happy. I just... can't do it. Monogamy is just not in my plan! I need more than what he can give and he just doesn't want to accept that. If we were together, I'd probably just cheat on him- I can't help it! He wouldn't be able to bear it. It would break his heart and I couldn't do that to him. He's seen how I am. He knows that I don't do commitment, so WHY does he keep asking? It's not that I don't love him- he knows that I love him... but I just can't be with him. Why can't he understand?! It's nice to dream about... but in reality, it's really a very silly idea.
Lady Brett Ashley
"Don't touch me" she said
I cannot do this with him anymore. Yes, I loved Jacob, I still might, but there's nothing I can do for him. Jake loves me and I know that, but he isn't enough for me. I have to move on. We aren't right for each other and he knows it well. I don't want to hurt him. I feel like its my fault we can't be together. I like broken people, but Jake's brokenness cannot be fixed. I just want to enjoy myself, the idea of being "in love" with one person frightens me, especially if they don't fulfill my needs. We just need to stay away from each other for a while so my emotions can even out. When I'm around him I feel like I'm going mad. He just needs to know that "we", even though it is a nice thing to think about, would never work out.
"What's the matter?""Please don't touch me"
"I can't stand it?""Oh, Brett."
"You mustn't. You must know. I can't stand it, that's all. Oh, darling, please understand!""Don't you love me?"
"Love you? I simply turn all to jelly when you touch me.""Isn't there anything we can do about it?"
I cannot do this with him anymore. Yes, I loved Jacob, I still might, but there's nothing I can do for him. Jake loves me and I know that, but he isn't enough for me. I have to move on. We aren't right for each other and he knows it well. I don't want to hurt him. I feel like its my fault we can't be together. I like broken people, but Jake's brokenness cannot be fixed. I just want to enjoy myself, the idea of being "in love" with one person frightens me, especially if they don't fulfill my needs. We just need to stay away from each other for a while so my emotions can even out. When I'm around him I feel like I'm going mad. He just needs to know that "we", even though it is a nice thing to think about, would never work out.Lady Brett Ashley
Lady Brett Ashley
"I'm going to marry him," Brett said. "Funny. I haven't thought about him for a week."
"Don't you write him?"
"Not I. Never write letters."
"I'll bet he writes to you."
"Rather. Damned good letters, too"(Hemingway 69).
I do not understand what is going through this man's head. I am much to busy to write Mike letters. I mean it's not like he's my husband yet. It is simply not my fault for me being so undeniably irresistible. Men just can control themselves when I appear whether it is right in front of them or in their minds. I am a free spirit and I refuse to be tied down. Marriage is a mere agreement between a man and woman in which they are seen together occasionally in public and where the woman is able to control any situation. I'm sure Mike understands this. Jake should come to terms with that if he ever expects to have a woman of his own. Shouldn't he? Love is just one of the many complicated, confusing, and dangerous things in life.
Mike Campbell
"Oh, shut up, Mike! Nobody interrupted you."
"No, I'd like to get this settled." He turned away from me. "Do you think you amount to something, Cohn? Do you think you belong here among us? People who are out to have a good time? For God's sake don't be so noisy, Cohn!"
"Oh, cut it out, Mike," Cohn said.
"Do you think Brett wants you here? Do you think you add to the party? Why don't you say something?"
Cohn needs to learn to stay out of me an my friends' business. Since everyone else in group is too soft to put Cohn in his place, I feel that it is my personal responsibility to do it for them. Cohn has been following us around like a dumb steer for the entirety of our trip to Pamplona. I think we have all had enough of Cohn and his tagging along. Although Brett sometimes scolds me for it, I believe my degradation of Cohn makes me appear to be of greater mental strength than Cohn, making me more appealing to her and my friends. Who cares about his feelings anyway, he deserves it for his behavior.
Jake Barnes
Jake Barnes
"We've been thrown out", Edna said.
"By the police," said Mike. "There's some people in there that don't like me."
"I've kept them out of four fights," Edna said. "You've got to help me."
Bill's face was red.
(Hemingway 191)
These people, how do I call them friends. Ugh, they are always causing issues and never sober. I wish I could have been better friends. All they have managed to do is piss me off. At least Bill is there to help keep the peace but I know he is struggling. It's a good thing I am not like them. I am above them, they are foolish. They are not even aware of what is going on in their lives. All they can manage to do is create chaos. Who even is this Edna?
Robert Cohn
"He didn't look bored; I thought he was going to be sick."
"I never felt that bad, it was just for a minute."
"I thought he was going to be sick. You weren't bored, were you, Robert?"
"Let up on that, Mike. I said I was sorry I said it." (Hemingway 170)
Why does Mike have to expose me like this? It seems like every time something unfortunate happens to me, he announces it to the whole group! I even told him beforehand that I had only felt a twist in my tummy, that is all! And here he is telling everyone that I got sick. The horses were only.. a little uncomfortable to watch, that is all. I just don't see how people find that any enjoyable. I just hope Brett doesn't think any less of me because of this. If anything, she was probably just looking at that bullfighter. What was his name again, Romero? Whatever, it doesn't matter, it's not like she'll ever meet the guy. I just have to worry about that Mike. I think he is personally out to get me. One day I'm going to just snap and punch him in his dirty little face.
Lady Brett Ashley
"Do
you still love me, Jake?" "Yes," I said. "Because
I’m a goner," Brett said. "How?" "I’m a goner. I’m mad about the
Romero boy. I’m in love with him I think." "I wouldn’t be if I were
you." "I
can’t help it. I’m a goner. It’s tearing me all up inside." "Don't do it" I said."I can't help it. I've never been able to
help anything."(pg 187)
I can't
believe it, but I think I'm in love with Romero. After all the men I've been
with, I've finally found someone who has so much strength and purity, both
physically and spiritually. I'm so drawn to him and his talents that it's
making me crazy. It's also killing me that Jake is still on my mind and how
much he loves me. I still and probably always will have some feelings for Jake,
but Romero is someone I might be willing to stick around with. I know it will
hurt Jake so much if I choose to be with Romero but I can't seem to stop
thinking about him. I've never been able to control myself when it comes to men. It's ripping me apart, that I have to choose between them
and I'm such a goner because I'm falling so deeply for Romero.
Mike Campbell
It feels so good to release all my pent up anger against Cohn. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but he needs to realize what he's doing wrong. That sorry excuse of a man keeps chasing and following after Brett, my fiance. Of course, I fully acknowledge that she goes around dating and sleeping with other men, but she still takes care of me, in my bankrupt and drunken state. So what Cohn and Brett went to San Sebastian together? Cohn needs to realize that he's no one special, just another one of Brett's lovers. He needs to stop acting to immature and childish. His behavior is ruining everyone's time on this trip, and we don't need that at all. Honestly, there is no way sugarcoating words will help Cohn stop acting the way he is. All I did was tell him reality. Don't you agree with me?
Robert Cohn
Robert Cohn
"I'm not drunk. I'm quite serious. Is Robert Cohn going to follow Brett around like a steer all the time?"
I'm not a steer. Mike's a steer. Regardless of what he says, I love Brett. I do not care if he and Brett are engaged I can tell Brett does not love him. Mike is a drunk and is bankrupt. I'm the better man for Brett. If I show her that, I know she will fall for me. Mike keeps acting foolish and while he's doing that I'll keep remaining calm. Then Brett will see she should marry me and not Mike. I just want Brett to love me. I'm so lonely.
Lady Brett Ashley
"It’s funny," I said. "It’s very funny. And it’s a lot of
fun, too, to be in love."
"Do you think so?" her eyes looked
flat again.
"I don’t mean fun that way. In a way it’s
an enjoyable feeling."
"No," she said. "I think its hell
on earth."(Hemingway 35)
When I say, "hell on earth," trust me, its not an exaggeration. This is exactly how I feel about love, marriage, and the whole
ordeal of committing yourself to one other person. To me, quite frankly, it’s
incredibly scary and the risk is much greater than any possible reward. You see, I quite enjoy love, Love is a positive thing that should be
celebrated. In fact, I’ve loved many, many men, but the connotation of being in love with someone is much more
serious and a lot less enjoyable. When you’re in love, you have to be
vulnerable with your significant other. So when I said love is hell on earth, I
really meant what love entails. I find it much more enjoyable to travel the
world and just have a good time rather than to settle down with someone and end up resenting each other over time. So if I come off as a cynic in conversations like this
one, it’s because I am and quite honestly, I don’t give a darn what Jake, Mike, or any other person thinks about me. Our days on this earth are numbered, so I plan on spending my days doing what I want, when I want, and no man can stop me.
Mike Campbell
“Oh, don’t stand up and act as though you are going to hit me. That won’t make any difference to me. Tell me, Robert. Why do you follow Brett around like a poor bloody steer? Don’t you know when you’re not wanted? I know when I’m not wanted. Why don’t you know when you’re not wanted.? You came down to San Sebastian where you weren’t wanted, and followed Brett around like a bloody steer. Do you think that’s right?” (Hemingway 146)
When I said this I was very angry and frustrated at Cohn. I was fed up with him following Brett, my girlfriend and future wife, around. He still liked her and I was trying to make it clear that she was my girl. Even though Brett has affairs with other men she always comes back to me. Cohn was just one of those affairs. His relationship with Brett is over. When Cohn came to San Sabastian with Brett I kept it to myself thinking he would get the message and stop following her. He didn’t and I decided enough was enough.
Lady Brett Ashley
"'We'd better keep away from each other.' 'But, darling, I have to see you. It isn't all that you know.' 'No, but it always gets to be.' 'That's my fault. Don't we pay for all the things we do, though?'" (Hemingway 34)
Blog Entry
October 2nd, 1925
I have always been in love with Jake, and I also know that he has been in love with me for quite a long time now. Despite the fact that we both love each other, I would not want to have a relationship with Jake Barnes because I would not want to hurt him emotionally. This is why I said to him that I would like us to keep away from each other. Being with him constantly would continuously stir up my feelings for him that I have inside, but I do not want to express those feelings because I know that after some time, I would potentially lose those feelings for him. I would eventually end up running away with other men. He said to me that it isn’t all that I know, but I do end up knowing it all in the end. He’s the one who does not know the mess he will get into later on in this relationship. However, I do agree with him that we pay for the things we do. If I lose him, I will be paying for my lost friendship.
echang_Brett
“‘Couldn’t we live
together, Brett? Couldn’t we just live together?’”
“‘I don’t think so. I’d
just tromper you with everybody. You couldn’t stand it.’”
“‘I stand it now.’”
“‘That would be
different. It’s my fault Jake. It’s the way I’m made.’” (Hemingway 62)
Gosh! This importunate
manner! Hasn’t he realized that nothing can happen between us? I just would not
be able to be free because of his impotence. It will end up even worse. I would
go see other men to appease my thirst for pleasure. Jake’s a delicate man,
especially after the war and losing his, any man’s, most prized possession. He
thinks he can take it, but I know he can’t. Either way, it would be my fault if
I cheat on Jake. I would be aware of my affairs. It’s not like the others in
which men are trying to please me and win me over. I would be forcing this pain
onto Jake if I were to cheat on him. I can’t do it. I am made to be free. That way, I'm not restricted to anyone. I need to be able to do whatever I want.
Jake Barnes
"Oh, Jake," Brett said, "we could have had such a damned good time together."
Ahead was a mounted policeman in khaki directing traffic. He raised his baton. The car slowed suddenly pressing Brett against me.
"Yes," I said. "Isn't it pretty to think so?"
Does she really think that I’m that easy? That was the old Jake. This new Jake is nowhere near that naive. She’s burned me so many times before. What would make me think that this time was any different. I’m just the rebound guy to her, the side piece. I still love her, but if she thinks that I will come running into her arms whenever she’s lonely, then she’s got another thing coming. If my impotency was a problem before, why isn’t it a problem right now. Yes, Brett “we could have had such a damned good time together”, the keywords being: could have. You pushed me away whenever I tried to love you, so you don’t get to summon me and try and taunt me with what I was missing. You only see me as a lap dog to answer at your every beck and call whenever you’re down. Well I’m done. I still love you, but for now, I’m done.
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Lady Ashley, better known as Brett
"'You know it makes one feel rather good deciding not to be a b****'" (Hemingway 245).
I remember this perfectly, I was with my darling Jake right after he came to my rescue (he’s my knight in shining armor you know.) I decided that I’d leave that boy alone, I’m not trying to be funny, that’s exactly what he was. He was only 19, and I’m 34 for Christ's sake. I was in love with him, I think. But it’s unbelievable he’s only been with three girls before, me on the other hand am no newbie in that area. I’m glad I decided to cut him off though, he doesn’t need to be with someone plus I can’t be good for him. I’ll be d***** if I ever grow my hair out for some boy. I guess this means I’ll just go back to Mike, but that’s not an issue. I’m fine with my drunkard, the undischarged bankrupt. (Isn’t that a lot of rot?) Whether or not I’ll marry him is the real problem. I’ll be d***** good as long as I have my darling by my side. It’s ironic that I've made the decision not to be a b****, but some things never change.
Robert Cohn
 |
| Robert Cohn |
"Do you[Robert] think Brett wants you here? Do you think you add to the party? Why don't you say something ?"
Come on Mike. Really Dude? Are you that desperate? Why won't you just leave me alone? If this is about Brett than your pathetic. Sorry to crush you dreams but Brett and I have a connection. She understands me and I sorta understand her. We've been on vacation together and we really connected. I still don't understand why she is wavering between Mike and Romero. I am an honest, respectful man. Maybe she needs time to end it with Mike. I want to give her space but I get anxiety when I don't know where Brett is. I love Brett but maybe that's not enough.
Lady Brett Ashley
Brett looked at the yellow wall of the chapel.
'Yes. Where the show started on Sunday.'
'Let's go in. Do you mind? I'd rather like to pray a little for him or something.'
We went through the heavy leather door that moved very lightly. It was dark inside. Many people were praying. You saw them in your eyes adjusted themselves to the half-light. We knelt at one of the long wooden benches. After a little while I felt Brett stiffen beside me, and saw she was looking straight ahead.
'Come on,' she whispered throatily. 'Let's get out of here. Makes me damned nervous.' " (Hemingway 211)
That may have been one of the most uncomfortable situations I have ever put myself in! It was just so dark and eerie- so ancient looking. Not only that, but there was just a presence of negativity, I guess. I mean, all I wanted to do was help my Romero somehow. Honestly, it felt like a cloud of shame and guilt was following me around. It was like God himself was staring down through me! Like as if I'm doing something wrong.. Well, I've always been like this. I can't help attracting men! I give them a little taste of Lady Brett Ashley, too! Therefore, I'm doing the right thing-- caring for them. What's so wrong about that? Nothing, right? ... But something in me says there is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)