Jake Barnes

JAKE BARNES 

“I mistrust all frank and simple people, especially when their stories hold together…” (12 Hemingway)

The quote above exemplifies how I would describe myself with one word. That word is anti-social. The world I live in is full of horrible liars and cheats. Everyone either drinks, gambles, or has sex with someone they don’t really love. The world is inherently evil at its core. People will use anyone just so they can feel superior to them, even if the person being used is the nicest person on earth. That is why I keep my distance from people. I like to spend my time writing or drinking, rather than being out with so called friends. I don’t like most of my friends.

Personally I don’t even like myself. I’m dissatisfied with myself because I don’t know who I am. A while back a pretty lady named Georgette tried to kiss me. When she came closer I pushed her back because I felt uncomfortable and ill. When I’m in the dark I worry about all the problems I have. During the day it’s easy to shrug off my problems but at night all I do is worry and at times I want to just cry. I slept for six months with my lights on just so I can escape the dark and it’s wanderlust problematic thinking. I also want to be a real Catholic, but I know that’ll never happen. It’s just I’m a awful Catholic. I have a great big problem of wanting to have an identity but always end up being dissatisfied because I can’t find one.  

Though I can say one of the best times I had was in Burguete, Spain where Bill and I went fishing. “There was no undergrowth, only the smooth grass, very green and fresh, and the big gray trees well spaced as though it were a park. "This is country," Bill said.” (122 Hemingway) The scenery was absolutely beautiful. That was the escape I always wanted. Bill and I talked about topics I rarely discuss with anyone. He made me feel as if he actually cared about me. All of my other friends were elsewhere and I finally felt at peace. My anti-social side disappeared at Burguete and a friendlier side came out. My worries vanished and all I thought about was the good in life. The landscape was purer than any other place I gone to.

The biggest conflict I faced was Brett. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. “Oh darling," Brett said, "I’m so miserable." I had that feeling of going through something that has all happened before. "You were happy a minute ago."” (70 Hemingway) Brett is always miserable. If she seems happy just dig a little deeper and you’ll find it. Brett has feelings for me and I know it. The only thing that is stopping her is my impotence. I just want a loving relationship but all she wants is a physical relationship that I can’t provide. I have tried time and time again to make her look past that and it isn’t working. She continues to run off with other men who are nothing without her. Maybe one day I’ll have my chance to show I’m meant for her.